Spirit Hotline Operator Since Forever

It basically comes to this: I Hear Dead People… and sometimes they interrupt my lunch. 

My psychic specialty is clairaudience, which basically means I hear dead people in my mind. 

It’s like being the world’s most confused intercom system: they talk, I listen and then try to figure out if Anne says “pink flamingo” is symbolic, literal or just her decorating critique from beyond. 

Either way, you get the message. Eventually. Probably.

No kidding; I happen to mention some accurate details along the way, but mostly they are very short messages (because I work without the fluff) because apparently, ghosts are on a tight schedule and have other hauntings to attend.

Although I use all of my clairs at once, the second-best specialty is feeling the health conditions of both spirit and living zombies. 

I’m basically a walking health scan which I’ve dealt with all of my life. When I would meet you walking on the street just shopping your next pair of socks, I just can’t ignore your health vibes and automatically scan your whole body in a split second and totally would see your left shoulder’s been aching for weeks, I’d instantly know your digestion is not okay with whatever happened last Taco Tuesday or your third rib on the right is missing.

It’s like being your everyday energy checkup radar for the undead and the barely-caffeinated. Only thing is you wouldn’t know because I never tell you. 

To turn it off I would be wandering down the streets with both eyes closed and I decided I don’t want to go there. 

Other clairs I use include clairvoyance (my built-in spirit cinema) and claircognizance, which is basically knowing weird stuff I have no business knowing.

Welcome to my world. It’s buzzing. It’s weird. It’s sometimes eerily accurate.